For decades, Christian culture has held up a very particular image of womanhood: marry young, raise kids, serve faithfully. That was the playbook. And while no one said it outright, the implication was clear—if you’re not working toward marriage and motherhood, what are you even doing?
Now, a growing number of Christian women are answering that question—with lives that are deeply faithful, purpose-filled and entirely outside the expected script.
They’re not bitter. They’re not “waiting.” They’re not confused. They’re just not convinced that marriage and motherhood are the only valid outcomes of a life rooted in faith. And that quiet but steady refusal is reshaping the future of the church.
In the U.S., the average age of first marriage for women has hit an all-time high of 28.6, according to census data. Nearly half of women ages 25 to 44 are childless, and a growing number say they intend to stay that way. Among Christians, too, the trend is shifting—Barna’s Open Generation report shows that Gen Z women are more likely than previous generations to question traditional gender roles and seek purpose outside of family life.
And they’re not walking away from faith to do it.
“These are not women abandoning Christianity,” said Kaitlyn Schiess, author of The Liturgy of Politics. “They’re often deeply engaged in their churches, committed to Scripture and spiritual disciplines. But they’re no longer convinced that marriage and motherhood are the only—or even primary—ways for women to live out their calling.”
In fact, for many, rejecting those roles is precisely because they take faith seriously. They want to live fully in their calling—not simply follow a cultural formula baptized in religious language.
For some, that reevaluation starts with Scripture itself. Dr. Beth Allison Barr, a Baylor University professor and author of The Making of Biblical Womanhood, has challenged the assumption that patriarchy is divinely ordained.
“What if patriarchy isn’t divinely ordained but is a result of human sin?” she writes.
In her book and public talks, Barr points out that many of the women honored in the New Testament—like Lydia, Phoebe, and Mary Magdalene—were not celebrated for their roles as wives or mothers, but for their leadership, their courage and their faith.
It raises a valid question: if Jesus himself never married or had children, and Paul explicitly commended singleness as a path for undivided devotion to God, why does modern church culture still treat those who forgo family life as somehow spiritually incomplete?
Tish Harrison Warren, an Anglican priest and author of Liturgy of the Ordinary, has written extensively about the value of ordinary faithfulness in daily life.
“The kind of spiritual life and disciplines needed to sustain the Christian life are quiet, repetitive and ordinary,” she writes. “But it’s in the dailiness of the Christian faith … that God’s transformation takes root and grows.”
That’s a spiritual truth that doesn’t hinge on wedding rings or baby strollers. And for many women, the act of saying no to those things is less about what they’re rejecting and more about what they’re prioritizing—calling, justice, freedom, creativity, rest.
But that choice still comes with friction. Kelsey, a 29-year-old Christian creative living in Nashville, shared that she’s had pastors pray for her to find a husband—without her asking.
“Not for my work, my ministry, or anything I’ve actually asked for prayer about. Just … that I wouldn’t be alone,” she said.
Except she isn’t. She’s rooted in community, mentoring younger believers, investing in her church and pursuing work that feels purposeful and aligned with her faith. That should be celebrated—not pitied.
The legacy these women are leaving won’t be measured in wedding photos or birth announcements. It will be found in how they used their time, energy and gifts to serve God in ways that were sometimes unconventional, often overlooked and profoundly impactful. They’re redefining what it means to be faithful—not by opting out of something, but by choosing a different way in.
This shift isn’t a rejection of family. It’s a broader view of what faithfulness looks like in the 21st century. And it’s forcing the church to grapple with whether its teaching on womanhood has been more shaped by culture than by Christ.
As Barr put it, “The subjugation of women, even when done in the name of the Bible, is wrong.”
And a growing number of Christian women are done pretending otherwise.
They’re not anomalies. They’re not “delayed.” They’re not disobeying. They’re just choosing a life that reflects God’s calling in ways that don’t revolve around a ring or a crib.
That doesn’t make them less faithful—it makes the Church’s definition of faithfulness too narrow.
