Pastors have become some of the biggest advocates for therapy in the church.
That probably would have surprised a lot of Christians even a decade ago. Conversations around mental health have changed dramatically in many evangelical spaces, and according to a recent Lifeway Research study, 90% of pastors now encourage people in their congregations to seek professional counseling when they need it.
The surprising part is how few take their own advice.
The same study found that 75% of pastors describe themselves as “very” or “extremely” stressed, and nearly one in three has seriously considered leaving full-time ministry within the past year. Yet only 9% say they meet regularly with a counselor.
For Michael Chiles, those numbers make sense.
Long before he founded ABIDE Care, a counseling network built specifically for ministry leaders and their families, Chiles served on church staff himself. After moving to Austin with his wife to begin ministry at a larger church, life became overwhelming. They were newly married, expecting a baby, settling into a new city and trying to build community from scratch. Like many couples, they realized they needed help. Unlike many couples, they quickly discovered how complicated that could be for someone in ministry.
“I remember my wife was asking, ‘Where do we turn to get help?’” Chiles says. “Here I am, a pastor on staff at a larger church, and I don’t know the answer to that question.”
ABIDE Care grew out of that question. Chiles began reaching out to Christian counselors in Austin, many of whom were former pastors or married to pastors themselves. He asked whether they would be willing to meet with pastors and ministry leaders while removing the barriers he kept seeing: confidentiality concerns, financial strain and the simple problem of not knowing who could be trusted. The network started with six counselors and eventually expanded into other Texas cities, then across much of the country.
Over the years, Chiles has noticed a consistent pattern. Pastors usually aren’t avoiding counseling because they doubt its value. Many are avoiding it because seeking help feels professionally dangerous.
“The most common for sure would be confidentiality and their privacy,” Chiles says. “Here you are serving in a significant role ministering to a group of people, but yet you’re having these personal struggles… and of course, you don’t want to lose your job.”
For most people, scheduling therapy is a personal decision. For pastors, it can feel like a job-related risk. Chiles says even walking into a counseling office can create anxiety. A pastor might worry someone from church will recognize their car in the parking lot, see them in the lobby or start making assumptions about what must be happening behind the scenes.
In a healthier church culture, needing help would not threaten a pastor’s credibility. In many churches, though, the fear still feels real enough to keep leaders silent.
Ministry has always carried emotional weight, but the job has become even more complicated in recent years. Pastors are expected to preach, lead staffs, navigate conflict, counsel families, manage budgets and respond to whatever cultural controversy is currently making its way into the pews. They are asked to be emotionally available during crisis and spiritually steady through their own exhaustion.
Chiles says the pastors who reach out often describe themselves in similar terms.
“Most of them are tired,” he says. “Especially the lead pastors. They’re tired. Yes, there’s burnout. There’s stress within their church, pressure… church growth or the opposite, the decline of their church… financial burdens and pressures.”
Burnout, though, is rarely the whole story.
Chiles says more pastors are also beginning to confront old wounds they never had the space or support to address. Some are realizing that unresolved trauma has been shaping their marriages, families and leadership for years.
“What we are seeing recently is there are a lot of leaders who have past hurts, trauma, childhood trauma that hasn’t been dealt with, who are finally reaching out, realizing it’s affecting them personally — it’s affecting their marriage and their family, it’s affecting their leadership,” he says.
The church has often talked about pastors as if spiritual maturity should make them immune to ordinary human struggle. Chiles says one of the biggest misconceptions about pastors’ mental health is the assumption that strong public leadership means private stability.
“I think because most pastors and leaders that are in front who maybe have a strong knowledge of the scriptures or they’re great teachers, they’re dynamic, there’s that perception that they have it all together,” he says. “They don’t struggle with some of the same doubts or fears or struggles that the people they’re ministering to are going through.”
Perception creates pressure. If a congregation expects a pastor to be spiritually grounded at all times, admitting anxiety or depression can feel like confessing failure. If church leadership quietly equates emotional health with job fitness, counseling becomes something to hide rather than something to pursue.
Even so, Chiles believes the culture is moving in a healthier direction.
He has seen pastors become more willing to reach out than they were a decade ago. He also sees the stigma around professional counseling slowly fading among ministry leaders.
“I think people are reaching out more than they did before,” he says. “I think the stigma or the stereotypes about professional counseling are lessening for sure within the ministry.”
One of the most encouraging shifts, he says, is who has been reaching out. ABIDE Care has long heard from youth pastors, worship leaders, children’s pastors and pastors’ wives. In recent years, more lead pastors have started asking for help too. For Chiles, that matters because senior leaders often set the emotional tone for an entire church.
When lead pastors speak honestly about counseling, stress or personal struggle in appropriate ways, they make it easier for others to stop pretending.
“I think we’re seeing some good, strong leaders share more openly and not wear the mask,” he says. “If you’ve got lead pastors and leaders that are sharing their personal challenges and struggles… it’s allowing, of course, other leaders to take a deep breath and say, ‘OK, if my pastor or that pastor is struggling, it’s OK for me to struggle and reach out as well.’”
Churches have a role to play in making that shift last.
Supporting pastors cannot be limited to appreciation lunches, kind notes or a gift card once a year. Those gestures may be meaningful, but they do not change the culture that makes pastors afraid to ask for help. Congregations and elder boards need to treat counseling as a normal part of healthy ministry, not an emergency measure after a leader has already reached the edge.
Healthy churches can also make room for real boundaries. Pastors need days off that are actually protected, friendships where they are not performing, family time that is respected and sabbaticals that are framed as wisdom rather than weakness. Church members do not need to become their pastor’s therapist, but they can help create an environment where getting one does not feel like a scandal.
For younger pastors entering ministry, Chiles’ advice is simple: Don’t wait until everything is falling apart.
“The more proactive you can be… you don’t have to be in a crisis to get help,” he says. “It could be, ‘I’ve just got some patterns or some things that I’m noticing about myself.’ … Let someone speak into your life. Let someone lead and guide you, and I promise you’re going to be much healthier for the long haul.”
The Lifeway numbers are alarming because they reveal a gap the church can no longer ignore. Pastors overwhelmingly believe counseling is good. Many encourage it from the pulpit. Yet most are still carrying stress, burnout and private pain without regular professional support.
The church has spent years learning to speak more honestly about mental health. Pastors helped lead that change. Now they need permission to experience it for themselves.
A healthier future for ministry will require more than telling pastors to rest or reminding them they are human. It will require churches willing to build systems where help is accessible, confidentiality is protected and vulnerability does not threaten someone’s calling.
Pastors have spent years telling their congregations that asking for help is a sign of wisdom. The church should believe them enough to make sure they can ask for it too.
