Let me ask you a question: How do you respond when someone calls you hateful? Do you think, No matter; it’s not important whether I am loving or hateful toward others? Of course not. You might choose to ignore the comment or delete it on social media, but the idea itself is not one you would callously dismiss. In fact, there is a good chance you would go to great lengths to clear up misunderstandings about your behavior and motives. None of us wants to be seen as a hater.
We all want to be on “the right side of history.” We all want to be seen as good.
If this is such a deep desire that we all share, then how do we do it? How do we become good people?
Consider four essential steps.
Repent of Your Sins and Believe in Jesus
The Bible makes it unmistakably clear that none of us are truly good. Not me. Not you. Not your pastor. Not the greatest saint who has ever lived. According to the apostle Paul, “None is righteous, no, not one” (Romans 3:10). Jesus said the heart is bent toward all kinds of wickedness (see Mark 7:20-23). Sin separates us from God, according to Scripture, and merits death (see Romans 6:23).
This may feel like a dismal picture, but it’s actually liberating. Becoming the kind of person God wants us to be begins by recognizing our own failed attempts at being good so that we will repent of our sins and trust Jesus to transform us through his grace.
Growing up in Christian circles, I prided myself that I didn’t commit the “big” sins often associated with the prodigal son (see Luke 15:11-32). Although I would not have expressed it this way, like the older brother in the same parable, I thought I was better than other people because of my obedience. Yet as I got older, God opened my eyes to realize that because of my self-righteousness, I needed a savior just as much as anyone else—probably more so! It was humbling to realize that though I avoided the “big” sins others committed, my heart was just as rebellious against the Lord as theirs. I am grateful for God’s grace and, honestly, get teary-eyed sometimes reflecting on it. Whether you relate to the prodigal son or his older brother, you have a Heavenly Father who loves you deeply and offers you the free gift of grace through faith.
Have you accepted it?
Saturate Yourself in Scripture
Don’t read this next section too quickly. Slow down and let it sink in. Are you ready?
Consider this: if you are a typical 15-year-old, you get 2,700 hours of screen time per year and only 153 hours of spiritual teaching.1 That means you get seventeen hours of screen time for every single hour of spiritual teaching! How do you think this affects you?
Some people argue that television and other forms of entertainment don’t affect them. But if so, why would companies spend millions of dollars on ads? The reality is that we are deeply affected by the music we listen to, the videos we watch, the books we read and the social media platforms we engage in. How do we avoid being taken in by unbiblical ideas? Paul says to “not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:2). One of the most important ways to avoid conforming to this world and to experience transformation is to study God’s Word.
Saturate yourself in Scripture so you can be transformed into the person God wants you to be. And remember: the key is not just how much you get into Scripture but how much Scripture gets into you.
Be a Person of Prayer
Recently, a young man asked why he should bother to pray if God won’t answer all his prayers. Great question. To a degree, he’s right—God may not answer all our prayers. In fact, God may not even answer most of our prayers. So why bother?
In anguish in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus prays that the Father take his cup of suffering away from him. Interestingly, God does not grant his request. Then why did Jesus pray in the first place? The very next line gives us an answer. Jesus continued, “Nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39). Jesus understood prayer as a way of conforming his will to the Father’s rather than the other way around. The same should be true for us.
At times, God does answer our requests. But prayer is not primarily about getting things from God. It is about conforming our will to his. We pray for our enemies so we can better love them. We pray for those who persecute us so that God will change our hearts. Prayer is essential for becoming people who are truly capable of loving our neighbors.
Choose Friends Wisely
There are few people in life who will have a bigger impact on you than your friends. This is why Paul warns, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals’” (1 Corinthians 15:33).
Good friends not only keep us from trouble; they help us live wise and courageous lives. Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Great friendships, rooted in biblical truth, help us become the type of people God wants us to be. This is why J. R. R. Tolkien considered Sam the essential character of his Lord of the Rings trilogy. Tolkien realized that those who accomplish great things in life have the strength of a faithful companion. Frodo could not have accomplished his great task without the enduring friendship of Sam. And the same is true for each of us.
Members of various church support groups understand the power of friendship and accountability. There are many communities of wounded people who, despite their common addictions, choose to abstain from drinking alcohol, viewing pornography, and other temptations. They care for and message one another. They have pastors and prayer, but without one another, they could not succeed. They need each other for the strength to avoid certain temptations. No matter how strong we think we are, none of us can thrive alone—period.
This is why it’s so important to be a member of a local church. Many Christians—young and old—see church membership as helpful for some and optional for all. But God has designed the Church to be the primary means through which believers are discipled, counseled, supported and encouraged. Join a good church and get involved!
How can you be a good person today? The answer is simple. You can’t. It simply can’t be done in your own strength. But if you embrace the free gift of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ, saturate yourself in God’s Word, prayerfully conform your will to God’s, and choose friends wisely (including joining a local church), God will help you form your character to become the kind of person he made you to be.
Then you can be in a position to truly love your neighbors.
