Boundaries are having a moment.
Your therapist recommends them. TikTok loves them. And if you’ve ever been burned, ghosted or guilted into “just letting it go,” you probably love them, too.
But for Christians, the conversation isn’t always that simple. Because while boundaries can be healthy, necessary and deeply biblical, they can also be misused. Sometimes, what we call a “boundary” is just fear wearing a wise-sounding disguise.
The truth? You can love someone and still need space. You can protect your peace without building a wall. But to get there, we’ve got to let Scripture—not just self-help culture—shape how we draw the lines.
Many times life demands we set boundaries in our relationships and create space from unhealthy circumstances. But love is so much bigger and braver than boundaries. God demonstrated it and calls us to the same transcendent love. It’s possible to have guidelines that govern a relationship without lessening our love. Boundaries don’t negate love, and distance doesn’t have to mean disconnection. There is a way to set healthy boundaries that still give us the space to love the people we need distance from.
How do we do that? How do we set boundaries that are built on God’s wisdom rather than our wounds? How do we love through the discomfort? The answer is in the Scriptures.
God knows that agape—love—is not synonymous with unlimited access. Boundaries have a place in loving relationships.
First, at the most basic level, we have a foundational truth found in Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (NIV). This verse emphasizes the importance of protecting one’s heart—which encompasses our emotions, thoughts and desires.
This proverb sits in the middle of a long list of wisdom a father is giving his son. It doesn’t specify what we’re guarding against, and it doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships. But its presence in Scripture is a reminder that we are responsible for who has access to the core of who we are.
And that access might change. Who gets to speak into your life now might not be who should next year. And the person you need space from today might become someone you can draw close to again. Boundaries aren’t just about others—they’re also about knowing when you are ready. As we mature, and as others grow, we can ask God for the wisdom to re-evaluate those lines.
My husband and I use this passage often when counseling dating couples, but it applies to every kind of relationship. Family, friends, spouses—anyone. If we’re pursuing agape love, we’ll ask God how best to do it. And He will show us. He’ll guide us in guarding our hearts without becoming hardened. He’ll help us create boundaries that reflect His love and not just our fear. After all, He’s the one who protects us—we don’t have to do it all ourselves.
Another passage that speaks directly to boundaries is Psalm 1:1:
“Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers.”
Unlike Proverbs, this wisdom is pretty specific. It’s about how we interact with people whose ways conflict with God’s. This doesn’t mean avoiding nonbelievers or isolating ourselves from the world. But it does mean we’re called to a different rhythm. We don’t “walk in step” with values or habits that pull us away from Christ. We can love people without absorbing their perspective. We can show grace without compromising our convictions.
Proverbs 25:28 gives another angle: “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control” (NIV).
This is about the boundaries we need because we aren’t in a place to love well. Sometimes, the reason you need space from someone isn’t because of what they did—but because of how you might respond. If someone hurt you and you’re still angry or reactive, a wise boundary might be stepping away until you’ve had time to heal. If you’re attracted to someone in a way that pulls you away from your values, you may need space to get clarity. Sometimes, distance isn’t about the other person—it’s about owning your own limits.
Scripture gives us more examples. In Genesis 2, Adam and Eve are told not to eat from a certain tree. That’s a boundary. In Exodus 23, God tells His people not to worship other gods. Another boundary. These weren’t random rules—they were protective lines, meant to keep His people grounded in truth.
But not all boundaries are created equal. Some are biblical. Others are cultural. And it’s important to know the difference.
Our culture loves boundaries—but not always for the right reasons. We’re quick to cut people off, hand out ultimatums or label someone “toxic” without much conversation. Sometimes we’re just protecting ourselves. Other times, we’re using “boundaries” as a socially acceptable way to ghost people.
Here’s what that can look like:
- Someone betrays your trust, so you cut them off completely. No conversation, no reconciliation—just a hard line.
- A coworker underperforms, so you block them from future opportunities instead of helping them grow.
- Your spouse annoys you, so you emotionally shut down to prove a point.
- A friend isn’t growing in their faith as fast as you are, so you slowly distance yourself instead of loving them where they are.
In all these cases, the boundary might feel justified. But what’s the motive? Is it protection—or punishment?
It’s easy to throw up a boundary and call it wisdom. But real, God-shaped boundaries aren’t about control or punishment—they’re about love. They’re about trusting that God knows the limits we need and the grace required to keep loving people who don’t always get it right.
So go ahead, guard your heart. Just don’t confuse avoidance with healing or disconnection with peace. Boundaries can reflect God’s care—but only if we let Him be the one drawing the lines.
