Being an adult is wild. One minute you’re responsibly meal-prepping and paying your own rent, and the next you’re spiraling because your dad asked why you haven’t been to church in “a while.”
You love your parents. You really do. But lately, even the most innocent phone calls feel like emotional landmines. They still ask weirdly pointed questions. They still offer unsolicited advice about your life choices. And somewhere between “How’s your job?” and “I’ve just been praying for you,” you start to wonder: Am I still expected to live like I’m grounded?
Spoiler: You’re not. But no one gave you the manual for drawing boundaries with the people who changed your diapers and your theology.
Welcome to the chaos of Christian adulthood—where you can love Jesus, respect your parents and still need a breather every time someone brings up your dating life “just out of concern.”
This isn’t rebellion. This is called being emotionally healthy. And yes, that includes not explaining every decision you make like you’re presenting at a family tribunal.
“Boundaries aren’t about rejection,” says Dr. Alison Cook, a Christian psychologist and co-author of Boundaries for Your Soul. “They’re about clarity. It’s not about cutting people off. It’s about creating space for healthy connection where both parties are respected.”
The problem is, most of us weren’t taught how to do that—especially not in Christian homes, where honoring your parents was often interpreted as total compliance. Obedience was the goal. Deference was expected. Boundaries were never part of the conversation.
Dr. Henry Cloud, the psychologist behind the bestselling book Boundaries, defines a boundary as the line between “where I end and someone else begins.” That might sound simple, but it’s anything but—especially when your childhood faith formation wrapped identity, morality and family loyalty into one seamless package.
According to Cloud, healthy boundaries actually strengthen relationships. They clarify roles and expectations. They remove the need for manipulation or guessing games. “Boundaries exist,” he writes, “to protect love.”
Scripture backs this up more than we give it credit for. In Matthew 12, Jesus doesn’t drop everything when His family shows up—He redefines family entirely, saying those who do the will of God are His true brothers and sisters. It wasn’t a rejection. It was a reframing.
And it’s something many young adults today are doing—reframing what it means to love their parents without losing themselves in the process.
“Adult children of emotionally immature parents often feel responsible for keeping the emotional peace,” says Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, a clinical psychologist and author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. “They may feel guilt for having their own needs, especially when those needs challenge the family system.”
This shows up in subtle ways. Skipping parts of your story when you visit. Editing your beliefs mid-sentence. Apologizing for setting limits, even if those limits are basic acts of self-respect. It’s emotional code-switching—smoothing out your rough edges so your parents don’t worry or criticize or quote Scripture at you.
The result is often silent resentment, distance or burnout—the very things boundaries are meant to prevent.
Christian Family Solutions, a faith-based mental health nonprofit, says boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships—especially with family. “They tell us what is acceptable and what is not,” the group explains. “They help us maintain relationships without sacrificing our emotional health.”
In practice, this might look like limiting certain conversations. Taking longer to text back. Not going home for every holiday. Or simply saying, “That’s not something I’m going to talk about right now,” without apologizing for it.
Mariah, 25, began setting boundaries with her mom after moving cross-country. “At first, I felt terrible,” she says. “Like I was being cold or ungrateful. But I realized I wasn’t rejecting her—I was making space to be honest with her. And over time, that made our relationship better.”
That’s the upside no one tells you about boundaries: they’re not the end of connection. Sometimes, they’re the beginning of real one.
But it’s also true that boundaries can be misunderstood—especially by parents who see them as personal rejection or a sign that something’s gone wrong. When that happens, the instinct is often to overexplain or retreat altogether. But there’s another option: holding your ground with compassion. Staying kind but clear. Loving but firm.
You don’t have to fight. You don’t have to fold. You just have to tell the truth about what you need.
Because at the end of the day, honoring your parents doesn’t mean disappearing for their comfort. It means showing up fully, with love and integrity—even if that means drawing lines they don’t understand yet.
Love doesn’t mean access without limits. And boundaries aren’t rebellion. They’re a form of respect—for your parents, yes, but also for yourself.
