It never fails. The moment you lift your head off the pillow the morning of the Oscar telecast, you’re struck with the horrifying realization: You haven’t even thought about planning your big Oscar party. You imagine the look on your guests’ faces. Their scandalized disdain. Well, not this year. Just keep this Oscar party checklist handy, and your get-together will be a surefire blockbuster.
1. Extravagant Formalwear
Sure, you’ll be watching the broadcast from a coffee-stained couch you have to soak in Febreze before you’d even consider sitting on it, but you’ll be wearing that gorgeous new gown. You’re sure to feel like a movie star.
2. Tiny Food
The important thing to keep in mind with fancy food is that it can’t be hearty, substantive or filling in any way. And if ever there is a time to bust out fancy food, it’s at your Oscar party. Consider fun, classy options, such as birdseeds with a pinch of olive oil, or maybe a salad of water.
3. Toleration of Seth MacFarlane
This year’s host is Seth MacFarlane, the creator of Family Guy. So, no Oscar party would be complete without a healthy ability to withstand painfully lazy non-sequitors that are as offensive for their crass content as they are for their startling lack of imagination. Forewarn your guests.
4. See Every Movie
If you want people to take you seriously in your role as host, you need to have seen every nominated movie. Since that’s nearly impossible, you’ll have to strike the convincing air of someone who has seen all the movies—and has opinions.
It wouldn’t be an Oscar party without red-faced indignation when something that should have won doesn’t. If you’re not sure what should win, just get mad at everything.