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The Telletubby Sun Baby Has Revealed Herself and Nothing Will Ever Be the Same

For years, she dwelt among us in silence, her secret hidden from prying eyes and inquisitive minds. She seemed like the rest of us—a normal, plucky 19-year-old student at Canterbury Christ Church University with a head full of dreams and a heart full of promise. Yes, Jess Smith has stood like a sentry over her powers, never daring to reveal her true identity for the world. And why wouldn’t she, in these strange times? People fear that which they do not understand, and the Telletubby sun baby thing was definitely something we did not understand. But no longer. Summoning her courage, Jess Smith finally peeled away the mask she’d been wearing for nearly two decades to unveil her true self. Yes, it was she who rose like a baby sun god (or something) to shine her light among the denizens of wherever it is the Telletubbies lived. Jess’ secret is now known to the world, and there is no going back. And, even if there was, would we dare to go? …

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