The relationship was rocky from the very beginning. I think we both knew that would be the case. We were coming from such different places and backgrounds. The age difference would no doubt be a factor, as would the number of successful friendships I had been a part of. There was no question that I would have a lot to learn about commitment and love to hold up my end of things.But I found His advances irresistible.
From very early on, there were signs of possessiveness. I could sense that He would not compete with any other suitors. Although this scared me at first, as I listened to my friends and other people who knew Him, I came to accept this as one of His requirements. After all, He had sacrificed much to be with me, and I figured that I owed Him something for that. The nature of commitment would be something we would talk about late into the night, especially when I would come in late. I will admit to pursuing others, wanting to experience the rush that accompanied seeing others behind His back. When I would return from one of these flings, sometimes He would address it straight on, blowing me away with His directness, wounding me in the process. But most of the time, the guilt was enough to make me confess my unfaithfulness.
Despite my questionable character and frequent changes of heart, His love was a model of consistency. For instance, there was this one time that I ran to the city and spent all of my money on crazy stuff.After days of living wildly and letting go of any inhibitions, I ended up in the gutter. Finding myself hungry and alone,I tucked my tail and limped back home, embarrassed and thoroughly humbled. Walking back to the house, unkempt and without a penny to my name, I prepared for a scolding or at least a lecture. The lecture never came. In fact, He saw me walking up the sidewalk and embraced me for what seemed like an hour. Our relationship was restored, and we never talked about it again.
As time has passed, I have strayed from Him less and less. Somehow, the very things from my past that had excited me so often have lost their luster. I think that maybe I started to see them for what they really were. I came to understand that these dalliances with other lovers made me a whore. And that realization made me both sad and grateful at the same time.Sad that I am so susceptible to their temptations.Grateful that He seems to understand my weakness.
The future of our romance seems bright.He said that He will build a home for me in some faraway place.He said that He would need to go away for a while to make sure the preparations are complete.Some days I don’t think of Him much, but other days I can almost senseHis Spirit.I can’t wait until He returns.I don’t have the heart for these long-distance relationships.
“Even so, come, Lord Jesus.” —Revelation 22:20