Somehow, the reality show genre continues producing high ratings at (relatively) low production costs. Networks keep finding ways to keep old reality show concepts (relatively) fresh and America tuned in. Even streaming channels like Netflix are cashing in on the reality game and are churning out show after show. They’ve found a lane for trashy dating competitions, extreme challenges and even unbelievable home makeovers.
But there’s one twist no one has tried yet. Instead of casting the token awkward Christian contestant, what if they gave the whole show a churchy twist? That’s what everyone really wants to see, right?
So here are a few pitches to answer the people’s cry for more Christian reality TV (You’re welcome, network execs):
10. Potlucks, Picnics and Fellowships
Guy Fieri visits underrated and unique church gatherings around the US of A. Shut the front door of your carpeted gym, these are Southern Baptist-size servings and the wildest ingredients in Flavortown. Special guest appearances by every casserole lady stereotype ever.
9. Church Tank
Mark Cuban and a crew of megachurch pastors evaluate church planter’s plans.
“We’ve seen multi-site and home church. We want something with a patent.”
8. Catfishers of Men
Victims discover that people witnessing to them were actually atheists the whole time. “Next, you’re going to tell me that K-LOVE is not safe for the whole family, aren’t you?”
7. Undercover Pastor
Disguised clergy work as restaurant servers on Sunday afternoons to get authentic feedback on sermons. Some of the helpful tips arrive transcribed on tracts that look like $100 bills, but actually tell you about something more valuable than money.
6. Keeping Up With the Calvinists
Why marry Yeezus, when you were predestined to be the bride of Christ? This reality series is for everyone who has ever asked, “Why are these people famous?” Just when you thought the absurdity of the zeitgeist proves free will, this show presents evidence for the contrary.
5. The Real Housewives of the Nursery
On this spinoff, you won’t see as much Botox—or any cloth diapers. The entire show is sponsored by Mrs. Meyer’s earth-friendly non-toxic multi-surface cleaner. Parents will secretly be given a second pager from the production crew for situations that actually need their attention.
4. Big Brother: Lock-In
Youth group leaders vote to see who stays in the community the longest in a simulated youth group all-nighter lock-in experience without the students. The last remaining couple gets to watch a PG movie together with the lights on and enough space for Jesus to sit in between them.
3. America’s Next Top Smokin’ Hot Pastor’s Wife
After widespread Christian support of politicians with an interest in pageantry, show runners expect a ministry beauty contest to be a big hit. To make winning more challenging, contestants won’t be able sing or play the piano to impress the judges.
2. Preschoolers & Pulpits
Move over “Toddlers & Tiaras!” These first graders preach their way to book deals. Or therapy. Maybe both. (Definitely both.)
1. Pimp My Pastor’s Ride
Various megachurch pastors from Texas host a surprise makeover each week to illustrate how the (prosperity) gospel can seriously upgrade your whip. The catch phrase of each reveal is, “Low profiles show off your humility.”
