Mel Gibson recently announced that he was planning a sequel to his 2004 mega-blockbuster, The Passion of the Christ. The film will reportedly focus on the resurrection.
But, why stop with a Passion sequel? Why not make follow-ups to other biblical blockbusters? After all, the Bible is full of stories that are still untold to modern movie audiences.
So, to help out Hollywood producers still looking for some obvious ideas, we’ve put together this handy list of other Bible movies that need sequels.
We present a few humble suggestions. You’re welcome.
Noah 2: Rise of the Rock Monsters
Ask anyone who’s seen Darren Aronofsky’s 2014 Old Testament epic, and they will confirm the following about Noah: The single best part of the movie was the giant rock monsters. Bible scholars especially unanimously agreed.
They were awesome.
Why not give them their own full-length spin-off? And because they don’t actually appear in the Bible in the first place, the plot is essentially a clean slate.
Have them battle Goliath. Watch them create a cool under-the-sea post-flood civilization. Make it a fish-out-of-water comedy where they hang out and randomly appear in other Bible stories. Who cares? They’re rock monsters. The movie is going to be sweet.
God’s Not Dead 3: Unkillable
OK, so the God’s Not Dead franchise isn’t exactly a collection of “Biblical” narratives, but they deal with explicitly evangelical themes, so it’s close enough.
In our third installment of the trilogy, the franchise takes a hard left turn from the legal drama genre to cool, Die Hard-style ‘80s action territory. Again, the details of the plot are unimportant. It’s a great title.
Just reverse engineer something and include a bunch of explosions. Trust us, Unkillable will be a hit.
The Slightly Less Young Messiah
This one is easy. Is there a more obvious sequel than a follow-up to The Young Messiah?
This spring’s adaptation of Anne Rice’s novel Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt imagines the life of a 7-year-old Jesus, as He comes to terms with His calling as He returns to Nazareth from Egypt.
This one is just made to be a franchise. The sequel, The Slightly Less Young Messiah, can just pick up where the first left off at age eight. Then, An Even Less Young Messiah can tell the story of Jesus at age nine, followed by A Messiah That’s Still Pretty Young which will tell the story of age 10.
You get the picture. By our count, the studio can easily make 26 more of these.
90 More Minutes in Heaven
Again, this one isn’t technically a Biblical movie, but 90 Minutes in Heaven is about a Baptist preacher who dies and says he went to heaven, so, again, close enough.
Though the original was based on reportedly real events, we’ll probably have to make something up for the sequel, but, a title like this doesn’t come along everyday, so we’ll figure something out for the plot.
Ten Commandments 2: I Thought These Were Pretty Clear
The 1956 religious masterpiece The Ten Commandments recounts the life of Moses, from his dramatic rescue as an infant to ascending Mount Sinai to receiving the Ten Commandments of divine law from God Himself.
The sequel can really depict any event in human history, showing how clearly, people can have trouble grasping extremely simple moral concepts.
Thankfully, there’s grace, because, a few thousand years later, people still aren’t doing a great job keeping these commandments—which again, seem to be spelled out pretty clearly.
Left Behind 2: Just Nicolas Cage Making Crazy Faces for an Hour and a Half
2014’s big screen version of the novel Left Behind currently holds a 2% on the Tomatometer.
If you saw the movie, then you know why: The filmmakers squandered the best thing their movie had—the raw insanity of leading man Nicolas Cage. First off, he’s hardly in the movie. And, when he is, he stuck in a cockpit trying to land a plane for the entire movie. Snore.
Considering there are like 50 Left Behind books, there’s no shortage of source material for them to work with. But, this time, instead of sticking to a lame script which features Cage acting like a rational, well-adjusted normal, human being, just let him improv and let the cameras roll.
The man is on a different level. No matter what the outcome of just filming Nicolas Cage being Nicolas Cage is, it’s bound to be better and more interesting than the first Left Behind movie.
Give the people want they want.