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With ‘Flavor-Blasted Turkeys,’ the Devil Wishes You a Happy Thanksgiving

Does Satan celebrate Thanksgiving? You mean the holiday where families wage war at opposite ends of the dinner table, grown men smash into each other over a leather ball on TV and your grandparents reveal exactly how old-school their beliefs are? OF COURSE HE DOES.

The natural follow-up question: What kind of food does the devil serve at his Thanksgiving table?

He serves Flavor-Blasted turkeys. Look at these things. Turkeys covered in hot Cheetos. Turkeys covered in ranch Doritos. Turkeys covered in Funyuns. This is, this is truly a sign of an earth headed toward hellfire and doom. (h/t Reynolds Kitchen)

If we had to try these, we’d go for the Funyun turkey first (natural pairing), then ranch (that’s really a chicken seasoning) before hot (that would definitely clash too much with the gravy).

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What does the host of darkness serve alongside his flavor-blasted turkey? Mashed potatoes that are really cauliflower, seasoned with fire ants; sweet potato casserole with cotton balls instead of marshmallows; and gravy that’s just demon snot in one of those little boats.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

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