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7-Eleven Wants to Destroy Humanity By Selling Hot Dog Water

7-Eleven Wants to Destroy Humanity By Selling Hot Dog Water

Folks, we need to talk. Sparkling water options have gotten out of control, and it’s time for us to come together and put our feet down.

At the beginning, it was all good and fine. LaCroix had normal flavors, like lemon or lime. If you were feeling adventurous, you could try grapefruit or cran-raspberry. But all too soon, more brands started showing up and introducing more exotic flavors, trying to stand out. Which is how we eventually ended up with “bright ideas” like pickle seltzers.

But these “innovators” have now gone too far. Because today, 7-Eleven announced the most disgustingly ambitious drink yet: the world’s first hot dog-flavored seltzer water.

The convenience store’s collaboration with Miracle Seltzer will feature four new flavors of 7-Select sparkling waters: Lemon Lime, Green Apple, Sweet Orange, and yes, the Big Bite Hot Dog. Inspired by 7-Eleven’s ubiquitous hot dogs — you know, the ones on the rollers — the seltzer is said to taste just like the iconic hand-held meat, with ketchup and mustard included.

According to a press release from 7-Eleven, “Gone are the days of alternating bites of a hot dog with sips of a beverage,” because “now those on the go can swap the bun for bubbles.”

The flavor is slated to roll out on April 1, meaning this could all be a cruel and disgusting April Fools’ joke. For the sake of humanity, we really hope it is.


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