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ApocalypseWatch2022: Tropicana Made a Breakfast Cereal to Pour OJ Over

We live in a confusing world of mysteries. Who built the pyramids? Where the Ark the Covenant? Who really shot JFK? These any many more answers may never be knowable, as life is not episodic television but an endless journey in which plots are dropped, endings are not guaranteed and ‘X’ rarely marks the spot. Once we can accept the unknowability of some questions, we can focus on the faith it takes to accept the great questions of meaning and existence. And in the meantime, we can only embrace the mysteries.

For example, why did Tropicana design a breakfast cereal in which you pour in orange juice instead of milk? Why would anyone think this was a good idea? Breakfast cereal is good on its own. We all know that. So is orange juice. But breakfast veterans know that pairing orange juice with just about anything is a gamble. Pairing it with breakfast cereal? Catastrophic.

And the thing is, Tropicana Crunch — as the cereal is called — doesn’t need the OJ gimmick. It looks like a standard granola recipe. A nice, sweet, nutty crunch is a can’t-miss breakfast cereal staple. Well, it’s can’t miss unless you dunk the whole thing in orange juice. Might as well coat the whole bowl in Nickelodeon slime.

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So why would anyone do it? Why the Mary Celeste’s crew abandon ship? Where is Amelia Earhart? Is the Loch Ness Monster real? We are in the realm of historic mysteries here, folks. Not every question has an answer.

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