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The Ultimate Ranking of Biblical Creatures: From Jonah’s Whale to Revelation’s Wild Beasts

The Ultimate Ranking of Biblical Creatures: From Jonah’s Whale to Revelation’s Wild Beasts

In the grand tapestry of Biblical narratives, amidst the profound teachings and epic histories, there exists an array of creatures that could give any fantasy novel a run for its money. These Biblical beasts take the stories of Scripture to the absolute next level; there’s no denying it. And it’s about time someone sat down and rank these creatures from best to worst

Here’s our super definitive ranking of every Biblical beast (along with an AI-generated image):

1. Jonah’s Whale

Who else could we start out with aside from the big fish? We’re talking about the Jonah-swallowing whale. This mammoth fish gets points for hospitality (albeit a bit damp) and teaching Jonah a lesson in obedience, all while maintaining a 100% guest survival rate. Plus, you have to admire a creature that essentially serves as a submarine in an era millennia before Jules Verne.

2. Daniel’s Lions

Landing in a close second are the lions from Daniel’s story. Known for their surprising diet choices (prophets not included), these big cats showed remarkable restraint and helped prove a point about divine protection. It sort of makes them the ancient world’s version of peaceful protesters.

3. Balaam’s Talking Donkey

Long before Hollywood thought talking animals were cool, the Bible gave us a donkey with serious communication skills. Not only did this donkey see an angel, but it also had the gumption to call out Balaam’s bad behavior. We only wish there were more stories with this communicative creature.

4. Revelation’s Multi-Headed Beasts

Coming in hot (and a bit terrifying) are the multi-headed beasts from Revelation. These creatures are like something straight out of a sci-fi thriller, complete with symbolism and apocalyptic flair. They score high for dramatic effect but lose points because, well, they’re pretty nightmare-inducing.

5. The Behemoth

This mysterious creature mentioned in Job has sparked countless debates. Is it a hippo? A dinosaur? A mythological beast? Whatever it is, the Behemoth scores for sheer mystery and the fact that it’s somehow part of God’s epic response to Job.

7. The Coin Fish

This fish doesn’t get nearly enough credit. Not only did it mind its own business, but it also managed to have a coin in its mouth just when Peter needed to pay taxes. It’s like the Biblical version of finding change in the sofa cushions, but way more impressive.

8. Samson’s Foxes

These foxes get a nod for their part in Samson’s revenge against the Philistines. Tying their tails together and setting them on fire was definitely one of the more bizarre tactics in the Bible. PETA would not approve, but you have to admit, it’s an unforgettable story.

9. The Ravens that Fed Elijah

Before Uber Eats, there were Elijah’s ravens. These birds brought the prophet bread and meat during a famine. They may not have had five-star hygiene ratings, but their room service was divine.

10. The Serpent in Eden

Rounding out our list is the infamous serpent. it really doesn’t get worse than tricking Eve in the garden and setting for a catostrophic series of events for the rest of history. The serpent may be the most well-known Biblical beast, but it is certainly not the most liked!

© 2023 RELEVANT Media Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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