Abner and Amanda Ramirez, better known as JOHNNYSWIM, are more than just a singer-songwriting duo. They’re also a very happily married couple.
The pair, who have been married for 15 years, have toured the world together and with their three children. Through the ups and downs of life, their career, and a global pandemic, the two have learned a thing or two about not just survivng marriage, but making it thrive.
We sat down with them to get some much-needed marriage wisdom about balancing work and marriage, working through differences, and figuring out what to add to the date night playlist.
How do you balance your work and marriage?
Amanda: It’s more like a dance. My friends call it more like a dance than balance because sometimes, you know, we’re all the way in with music, and sometimes we’re just at home for weeks at a time. So, you kind of just go with the flow, however you can. But the biggest thing, I think, is just being present. Like when we’re with our kids, we just try to be with our kids and have fun. And you know, when we’re at work, then we kind of have to go, “Here, Mommy and Daddy have to go to work.”
Abner: When I think of how do we balance personal and public life, like work and relationship, I think of how does a diver balance his time in the air, like a high diver. Like you’re kind of just all in and you’re doing your best. You know, you’ve trained for this. There’s not really a lot of balance as much as it is, I think, a dance is great as it is just all in.
How do you bridge communication differences?
Amanda: The best way to bridge communication differences is understanding how the other person communicates first. So, instead of always trying to get your point across, listen enough to understand and try to recognize how the other person can hear you properly as well.
So, you know, I know Abner’s an external processor, so he goes through many different levels of what he’s feeling before he goes, “Okay, this is actually what I feel. This is actually what I think.” But he has to process it out loud, and before, anything, you’d say, “Well, that doesn’t make sense,” well, let him know, and we would kind of be at a crossroads. And then I once I realized, so he takes him a while to kind of get to where he is, you know, where he really is saying what he feels. And I just have to go along for the ride and get there. I’m much more quiet until I’m ready to talk, and he’s had to kind of be flexible with me on that. And if I’m not talking, not push me to talk, just kind of like give me any space.
I think as long as you can kind of see how the other person communicates, and you can kind of work through anything.
Abner: If you can rely on two things, that’d be patience and listening.
If you could go back, what would you tell yourself when you were engaged?
Abner: I know exactly what I would say to myself: “Boy, it’s better than you think. It’s even better than you think.”
What five songs are on your date night playlist?
Abner: So, the five songs for date night would definitely be “Still in Love” by a band called Third-Story. There’s a live version that’s amazing. I’d probably do
that one. Bruno Major’s “Wouldn’t Mean a Thing,” which is one of my favorite love songs of all time — literally. “Kenaston” by Chilly Gonzales, on solo piano is so good.
Amanda: Oh, “La Vie en Rose,” the original recording. Our son was born to that song and it was at the first dance of our wedding, yeah. So, it’s a special song for us.
Abner: And then “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye. It has to be on the list.
